Words of Wisdom

When I was a young mother with toddlers I would talk to my coworker about problems with my kids, ear infections, diaper rash, not sleeping through the night, Bryan biting his classmate, etc. She would listen to me and say "Little Kids, Little Problems, Big Kids, Big Problems." She had been through a husband in prison, her brother dying from AIDS, her teenage daughter pregnant and on welfare. She probably thought to herself, you ain't seen nothin' yet!

Her words of wisdom stuck with me and I always thought some day I will be in for it! That time is now. It is amazing how even though your children are adults you are still there, sweating every moment.

Yesterday Bryan got packed up and on the road after a lot of girlfriend drama, he is off for his second semester. Two hours into his 4 hour ride I get a call. "My rear tire blew out while I was driving" I about had a heart attack. He was shaken up but fine, he didn't harm any other drivers and he got the truck to a rest area so he wasn't on the side of the highway. His truck has body damage, which is a shame because of the age, it is hard to replace parts.
My mind started immediately racing "what do we do? While I am panicking, Jim calls and happens to have a buddy in Macon who is willing to go to Bryan and help him, since he had no spare tire, he was stranded. They removed the tire had a new one remounted, $180 later he was back on the road.

This was not the only excitement during Christmas break, some of his friends were in a bad car accident, another got a DUI, one was getting evicted from his apartment. Now these are all seemingly good kids and I know they have great parents. The road to adulthood sure is rocky!

Campus Visit

We went for our first visit to see my son's life down in Statesboro at the Georgia Southern University campus. It was game weekend so the campus was alive with activity, which was nice to see, the first time we were there to drop him off was a week before classes started and it was deserted.

We tailgated, hit the bookstore, took him shopping to restock his pantry, got to experience a game at the stadium and the traffic jam afterwards he has been talking about. After a day of togetherness we said our "see you in the mornings" and he took off, no doubt to party with some buddies. Sunday morning we picked him up for breakfast, he looked rough, with stamps on his hands and a wristband from some party or club. I had to laugh I remember those crazy weekends.

Jim and I sure felt old while we were people watching on campus but are glad those days are behind us! Chris was observing everything and I am sure thinking about his future days at college. My only regret was stepping foot in their apartment, not the way I would chose to live, 4 guys living together can make quite a mess!

He almost has one semester under his belt, and I can tell he is feeling more confident being on his own.

Hair Raising Experience

For years now I have not spent more than $20 total for cut and color ($13 for the cut and $7 for the bottle of L'Oreal) I guess it was starting to show so my friend and co-worker had mercy on me and gave me a gift certificate from one of our awesome advertisers who gave it to her as a Thank you --$160 --I was dumbfounded--who would ever pay that much for something that only lasts 4 weeks? That is the equivalent of a plane ticket to go see my folks I thought, how could it be so special?

I went in nervous as could be on a Tuesday at 4 pm -- four hours later I emerged a new woman, I just let the hair dresser work her magic, I didn't give her much direction, I figured she knew what she was doing. I have never sat still in a chair and been fussed over for that long in my life! -- Confession by the last hour I was up and pacing around--I was SO not used to this!

So for the last month I have felt beautiful, my hair styles like a dream, who knew? Well apparently all my girlfriends, I had no idea how much money has been exchanging hands with out my knowledge. It is hard to justify, in my mind but I can say I haven't felt this good in a long time.

Now it has grown out and the old hair is starting to emerge, so Friday I am going to go back for a touch up and treat myself to start out my 45th year in style!

Rose Colored Glasses

After spending the weekend dropping off my son at college I was feeling nostalgic, remembering all the good times. What I seemed to have forgotten, which is all flooding back to my memory now is all the struggles, being a fish out of water, having trouble finding your way around, having trouble socially, making bad decisions. It is all coming back to me as I hear in his voice through his first weeks, the anxiety that goes along with being a Freshman. I have to say many of the memories are not ones I care to relive, but as they say, it made me the strong person I am today. So when he calls me with all his worries, I will remain tough and just listen and remind him we have all gone through this awkward stage in our lives, and we survived.

Separation Anxiety

Ever since he was born we dreamed about this day, off to college! East Georgia College for now with a plan to transfer into Georgia Southern. The toughest thing for me to witness was him and his girlfriend saying goodbye, both in tears, I can say I remember that feeling well!

He is now settled in his college apartment. Jim and I did our best to get him all set up with everything he needs for a good start, hopefully I will be able to say he took advantage of the great opportunity he has. Even as we were pulling away in the car we were spouting last minute advice. It was strange driving away and giving up "control," he is on his own now. Except for the fact that he can call and text any time day or night! Going off to college doesn't seem as final as it used to be, when kids had to write letters to their loved ones. I am excited for him to start his own journey. Although, I did sneak him a text last night "Goodnight son" to which he replied "Love you Momma." I think I will let go in baby steps. . .

Summer Update

I have been having a busy couple months I got a promotion at work and am now using every ounce of brain power and don't have much left for blogging. We have managed to have some fun this summer. It started of with a big graduation party, Jim did a great job transforming the backyard and feeding the crowd. Bryan requested a Southern BBQ so we fired up the neighbors smoker and made a bunch of pulled pork and chickens, it was a big hit. We slept 17 in the house, it was really special having everyone come to wish Bryan well. Weren't able to "get away" but have made the most of the beautiful area we live in. The best thing we did was go to my boss's luxury cabin on Lake Nantahala seen below.

Mission Accomplished

It has been a long and uphill battle but my son is graduating this week. Academics are not his passion, to put it in a gentle way. He has had me sweating bullets, talking with teachers, nagging him incessantly, all the while he is cool, calm and collected. Never doubting himself for a minute. I was always an overachiever and would not accept less than my maximum effort. So you can imagine my befuddlement with my child, the one I had raised, just fine with low marks, as long as he accomplishes his goal of passing. It is nothing short of maddening.

But he did it, I can breathe a sigh of relief for now. Time to celebrate! Hopefully all the aggravation will fade away from my memory.

Signs

I am all wound up with anxiety surrounding my son's impending graduation and college move. I could list all the worries, but I am sure you can imagine, the list is endless. I have been trying to quell my anxiety by working out, listening to music, saying the rosary etc. Well I think the universe is trying to send me a message, if I would only just take it to heart.
Recently while driving in the car the worrying started, and I looked up and the license plate of the car in front of me read "ITLBOK" as my younger son tried to crack the riddle I instantly said oh it says "It'll be Okay" I laughed and took a deep breath.
Then this morning, another stressful moment was upon me: filling out student loan papers, and I turned my attention back to work and the article I was asked to layout was entitled "Fear Not" and explained the concept of nothing ventured, nothing gained. Okay, I am starting to get the message, calm down Michelle, things have a way of working out.
My wonderful parents used to have words of encouragement hanging all over the house and one in particular is the advice I need at the moment: "Inch by inch life's a cinch, yard by yard, life is hard."

Not Like We Used to Do It!

The day I had been waiting 17 years for finally arrived! My baby boy was going to the Prom! I was excited to see his girlfriend and him in my living room looking beautiful. I would be snapping photos and tearing up as they drove away....not in the 21st century.

From the minute she was sending him cellphone pictures from the dressing room, seeing if he liked the dress she was trying on, I knew it would not be "like I remember it."

The Prom and all that surround it, is now a group event --don't have a date --no problem you just pick a "picture partner" no strings attached. Pose for the photos and you are done, no need to buy her dinner.

The boy going to pick up his date in his car? Nope, the girl is dropped off by her parents where they all board the Disco Bus. At the end of the night the girl is picked up by her parents to take her home.

The boys aren't even that interested in finding their date in the crowd! I was envisioning a totally different scenario of romance and hand holding.

The photo op consisted of me following Bryan to the gathering place, hunting down his date and jockeying for a position like paparazzi with all the other parents for a good shot. The parents were all looking at each other saying "This in not like we used to do it!"

Apparently they had a great time, he texted me, telling me he "danced his heart out," at least that hasn't changed.

Two of My Favorite People

My cousin Brendan got married on St. Patrick's Day at 12 noon, with the sounds of bagpipes echoing in the air, what a great day, the weather was flawless, no humidity, about 70 degrees, and the flowering trees of North Carolina were putting on a beautiful show.

We were met at our beautiful hotel room with a goody bag and a carefully planned itinerary. we arrived late the day before the wedding after fighting Atlanta traffic. I was totally exhausted but had trouble sleeping knowing in the morning I would get to see my extended family for the first time in about 18 months. I popped awake in the morning, jumped in the shower and headed down to the lobby for a family reunion over breakfast. What a great feeling to have all the people you love together in one room! Such a rare occasion in our family-- we are spread out all over the country.

Brendan's wife is a perfect match for him and fits right in to our clan. We hit it off from the minute we met, and I am so happy to see this union!

Guitar Lessons

We got Chris an acoustic guitar for Christmas, and he is doing great, he seems to have a real knack for it. I am already amazed at the speed he can move his fingers around and how he is memorizing the notes on the strings.

He has been getting skype lessons from my brother Jon which is so nice! We did a little name that tune with songs Chris has learned and they were all recognizable. Chris is also learning from lessons on YouTube--it is unbelievable how excellent some of the lessons are! The other night I had him indulge me and learn one of my favorite Pink Floyd tunes "Wish You Were Here" the acoustic beginning, he is working on it, it gives me chills! Of course he has never heard of Pink Floyd or the song before. I have been "educating" him on all the oldies, Led Zepplin, AC/DC, Eric Clapton, they are ancient to him, but he appreciates their music.

We have been having some great bonding time, I will spend hours helping him, it is so enjoyable to watch him catch on, it's our time together, and of course being the sweet heart he is he always thanks me when we are done.

An Education in Higher Education

Last weekend we went to our first college recruitment visit. A coach has been courting Bryan to come play at their school. It seemed like a tempting proposition. The college is in a picturesque town in western North Carolina a 3 hour ride, through the Blue Ridge mountains. We got up at 5 a.m. Saturday morning, the tour and welcoming committee wanted us there at 9:30. The campus was founded in 1853, and the coaches couldn't have been nicer with their southern hospitality. The well-educated head coach uses the phrase "dad-gum" in just about every opportune statement, it is a real different world in the mountains! The Yankee in me just shudders, Bryan has lived here long enough that it is becoming part of his vocabulary too!

After 8 hours of pep talks and tours, we were done and ready for the long ride home. The college isn't what Bryan pictured for himself, there are only 650 students, I truly didn't know such a small college existed, but they do dot the South, as we are learning. He has gotten some strange offers from as far away as northern Minnesota, but nothing feels like the right fit yet.

Being the parent of a potential student athlete is a complicated journey.

To Be Thankful

I had the most heart warming experience on one of the coldest of winter nights. It was the Football banquet wrapping up the season. Each Senior was filmed reflecting about what they have learned, who influenced them and a true long heartfelt thank you to their moms. All the moms were teary and I was just welling with pride, that my young man could express himself so well, he hit every high and low point so well. "Thanks for all those early morning rides to school in your PJs, thanks for doing my nasty laundry every night, thanks for running my forgotten gear or homework over to school, etc. It was a long time coming and it meant a lot, to be publicly thanked, no kid rushed through it--just awesome.

When thinking back on it I think, it was not just for the benefit of the moms, it was also a great life lesson for these young men to teach them to be thankful as well, if you go through life without gratitude, you can develop a real problem with future relationships. I think the younger players who are there to witness this, also learn a lesson from the "big" guys, seeing them with humility, and acknowledging they didn't do this alone. Each of the coaches got up to the podium and broke down with emotion, an amazing thing to witness. Another chapter closes.

Snow Day 2011! The Epilogue

What started out as a blast is now lingering on its 3rd day. We arose this morning to another day of a paralyzed city. It is amazing how much you miss your routine when you are forced to break it! Our eating habits have been atrocious, we are cooking, baking and eating for sheer entertainment. I finally was able to escape to work late this morning, once Jim ventured out to check my route to work for ice. I was happy to get out and had a mere 89 important emails to answer.

You would not believe how unplowed roads and steep hills make for such a mess. The first day we did have fun running around on the ATV, it was like a lawless no-man's land kids sledding on what is usually a busy main road, no threat of any police, they were also not able to patrol because of the ice, no postal service with no apologies, I hate to think if you needed an ambulance what would have happened. ATL really needs to invest in some snow removal equipment, the schools are sure to be out the rest of the week since it is still frigid.

Living on the Edge

I have always prided myself on being smart with my money and always maximizing a dollar. So when shopping for a house, we have always strived to live on the edge of a really nice town. The cheaper edge that is. In Florida, it worked out perfectly, we lived on the border of Boca Raton, one of the nicest areas in south Florida. I was able to take advantage of all the great shopping, beautiful parks and great schools, without the high dollar zip code. I would sit in traffic jams surrounded by Jauguars, Mercedes and Porshes and chuckle to myself thinking about what they paid for thier cars.

When relocating to Atlanta, I did my research, I wanted the best schools and the lowest possible taxes, but also great sports, parks etc. We started looking in the "better" part of town and realized there were lots of fees and strict rules that come along with living there. We went just a mile down the road, found a much bigger house on a huge lot, with no rules and even lower fees. And just like before, we get to enjoy the assets of the affluent town.

There is only one drawback, who are my children friends with? Children who are handed a set of keys to a beautiful car on their 16th birthday, children who go on cruises for spring break and ski every winter, children who get the latest gadget the minute it debuts! And now children who can go to high-dollar colleges. As an adult I don't have trouble with the "keeping up with the Joneses" mentality, I know the full picture. But what ends up happening is as a parent it seems you can never measure up. I know it is better for my kids to learn fiscal lessons, earlier in life, that you can be happy with less and living on a budget is reality. But this time of year my mind is always blown by what some of their friends receive as gifts. I have a feeling these children will be surprised when they go out on their own someday.

Supporting Role

Well the "Glory Days" of the great football season are behind us, now it's back to reality. Jim and I need to help Bryan weigh all his options and help guide him to the next phase in his life, inching toward adulthood. It is a thankless job, most of the time, the satisfaction that you are doing the right thing definitely has to come from within, because teens aren't known for appreciating guidance from their parents.

We have the cap and gown ordered ($100!) the Senior portraits are taken, the calls from recruiters are coming in, many of his friends have been accepted to the college of their choice. The wheels are in motion! The tests have been taken and retaken, trying to get the scores he needs. Nothing ever goes easy for him!

There is a lot more to do and time is ticking away-- the tap dance between nagging and letting him figure it out on his own is where we are at right now. Once a decision is made, then we get to access how we are going to pay for it all--intimidating stuff! It seems like just yesterday, I was teaching him to walk, now we are starting to nudge him out of the nest!

Painful Perk

I have a great arrangement at work where I have access to a low cost massage once a month , this is a good thing since I have chronic back and neck pain from 25 years of sitting in front of a computer.

I have a love/hate relationship with this process, it feels indulgent since the massuese is awesome and knows my back problems very well, she is methodical and so knowledgeable, and one hour of peace and uninterrupted attention is so nice. But oooh does it hurt, during and after, the next day I feel beat up, but I know it is a necessary part of unlocking my tight muscles, I will keep going back for more!

The Difference Between Mom and Dad

I was chatting on my phone last night when Chris picked up the house phone, "Bryan needs to talk to you Mom. " I am waving him off because I am in the middle of a conversation, so Jim grabs the phone.

I hear, "Hmm, well that stinks, figure it out," and Jim settles back on the couch and continues to watch TV. After I hang up I ask "What was that all about?"

"Bryan locked his only set of keys in his truck"

I immediately start to get up, he says "just sit down he needs to figure this out on his own."

I was ready to call AAA or hop in the car and rescue him (sorry can't help the mommy instinct). This never even occured to Jim.

A few minutes later we hear the truck pull in the driveway, Bryan comes in the house all smiles, him and his buddies found a way in and they hoisted a smaller kid in the back side window that won't lock.

That's why boys need a Mom and a Dad, Jim gave him a good lesson in self-sufficiency.

Mom's Taxi Got a Makeover

I am a happy girl — traded in the "bus" for a much more fuel efficient and sportier crossover vehicle, since I only cart around one boy these days, I was ready to downsize! I just love it!

Family History Shared

It didn't start out on the best note, after 6 full months of anticipation and years of a plan in my mind, we were finally doing it--I was going to have my father give my boys his personalized tour of Notre Dame. Surely a memory they will never forget

My industrious husband found a connection to the near impossible--6 tickets to a Notre Dame football game, we chose the weekend carefully, wanted fall in full bloom and of course it had to accommodate Bryan's football schedule. We were able to get the tickets for his Bye week. All the stars had aligned on this and it was going to happen!

We approached Bryan's coach and explain he will miss just one practice, granted our whole year has revolved around his grueling schedule, which starts in January, monopolizes our entire summer etc., this would truly be the first time he is missing. The coach was furious and decided to punish Bryan by not letting him start for his last home game, I was crazy mad and in disbelief. Bryan being the mellow soul that he is was not that shaken up by it.

As we are driving up in the car we hear a headline come over the radio "Tragedy on Notre Dame Campus". A student was killed in a freak accident and the campus was in mourning. A very sad story for sure. I wondered how it would affect the festivities we were looking forward to. They cancelled the pep rally and coaches luncheon we were planning to attend, at least they didn't cancel the game.

When we arrived the campus didn't disappoint, it is spectacular so rich with history and music at every turn.

My father recounted his days to his grandsons, showed us where he stayed, and how drastically things had changed, he attended 50 years ago, with lights out at 10 pm, dining jackets worn in the cafeteria, no girls on campus and tution, room and board costing $1,900-- now its $52,000!

The highlight of the trip was the marching band--300 best and brightest young musicians in the country -- you have to have some serious chops to be in this band, it was awesome and they really engage the fans. My Dad had been a drummer in the ND band back in the day and that impressed the boys.

A real connection to our family history was made and I couldn't be happier, what a great weekend!